Time to come clean.

I’ve been self- sabotaging my success for a very long time. For at least a decade. I make progress, but it is slow, inconsistent, and not long-lasting.

I’ve always wondered: why do I blow off or delay anything that will certainly lead me in the direction of my dreams? Why do I so stubbornly hold my own self back?

I was taken aback with how this article so clearly explained my behaviors and most importantly, why I engaged in them… Particularly, my pervasive tendency to procrastinate, ruin relationships and friendships, deliberately turn down golden opportunities, distract myself with people and situations that only serve to move me further away from my success journey, and engage in negative self-talk.

I may be a positive, encouraging and loving person to others, but I often struggle to even see myself as talented, valuable and capable of achieving my dreams…I often even struggle with visualizing my own dreams realized.

This is why I’m writing this. I feel that if I at least acknowledge this pattern and become aware of it, I can finally replace it with something better… Something like believing in myself as an artist instead of taking the safe route, putting myself out there with more consistency, embracing every opportunity with a demonstration of excellence instead of mediocrity, and letting go of my feelings of unworthiness and my unhealthy, often unconscious tendency to reinforce those feelings through my behavior patterns.

It’s really embarrassing to admit this, but I’m praying someone out there understands what I’m going through and has also been a victim of their own self-sabotage but is willing to change it or has already changed and can provide some encouraging feedback for me.

Because I don’t want to live like this anymore.

I don’t see why I can’t fulfill my dreams when so many people believe in me.

It’s time to fully believe in myself, and behave accordingly, no matter how scary failure and even success may seem.

I won’t know unless I give myself a real chance.

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